As soon as you turn the lights off start masturbating. No monster wants to see that shit. While doing it, stare at the corner and whisper, tenderly, “this is for you”.
And then the shadows growl at you and say, “Mine. You’re all mine.”
Proceed to have a secret relationship with the monster in your closet to make the shadows jealous.
Plot Twist: The Monster wants a threesome with you and the shadows.
I don’t know what just happened, but I am so here for that.
didn’t somebody already do a cartoon on here about fucking the monster under the bed?
do ppl realise benny isnt from the 1980ies or am i the only one
They were around in the 80s though. Me and my brother had a load of them, in all different colours including blue. And the helmet had a visor to begin with, but it always fell off in the Lego bucket, at some point before the chin bar cracked.
Ron and Draco are two perfect examples of why the Methods of Rationality is a shitty fanfic that doesn’t work. Canon Ron is an insecure, self-loathing doofus who constantly compares himself to others and finds himself wanting and suffers poverty, and he’s the heart of Harry Potter. He’s the carrier of its optimism, and a great example of a flawed human being capable of pettiness and goodness. Ron is the power of supposedly un-exceptional people. And he’s essentially thrown away as worthless to the story.
Draco is meant to be a spoiled bully who gradually becomes a victim of a much bigger evil and represents the weakness and the hard choices of people who follow and support monsters. Through him, we see how people can get themselves into trouble and wind up doing terrible things, yet they are still human beings with feelings, who deserve to be treated as human, and who can choose to do better, even if they are assholes. In MoR he’s flanderized into a rape-obsessed cartoon before he’s even hit puberty. It’s fucking nasty.
That he could throw these two characters and what they represent aside and still think he’s writing an honest response to Harry Potter tells me everything I need to know.
I have not been following this discussion at all.
I am just reblogging this entirely for the wonderful summation of Draco. This is essentially why I am reluctant to throw entire swathes of people under the bus before I know how they came to be assholes in the first place.
whenever i see these post-apocalyptic films set in the USA where everyone is pretty much just killing each other with no mention of other nations i always just assume that the rest of the world is fine and has learnt how to resume life as normal
EVEN AS AMERICAN THIS TROUBLES AND CONFUSES ME AND IS SUCH A HUGE PET PEEVE. Like? Okay I get that in some of them, it’s something that’s happening around the world and they’re just showing part of it but even then it’s always all like WE’RE THE LAST SURVIVORS EVER, but how do you KNOW?! Satellite communication is down, there isn’t even any electricity, and I know you didn’t just call up China, or Poland, or New Zealand, or Kenya, and ask if there are still people alive there.
Most of the time they don’t even bother to call up Canada
"Mm, I knooooow, it’s almost like some kind of pale thing except it’s so innocent. If anything else made me feel like I was napping on Bel’s lap while he brushes my hair, it’d be creepy, but this can’t be creepy because it’s kittens.” You catch Greenie about to pounce on the abandoned laser pointer in hopes of making it disgorge the redbug again, scoop him up, and address his tiny glassy-eyed face: “Even with a little induction helmet on you’re not creepy. Because you’re a fuzzums, yes you are.”
"Yeah, yeeeeah, exactly like that.” You boop Greenie’s nose with a finger. “Once I all met up this giantass tortoise lusus and he was just the mellowest thing, all he wanted to do was, like, eat fruit and fuckin’ nap. And that’s all he really did. And my ass fell asleep during work and I got chewed out for it, hahahaha. Mmh. Speakin’ of which, I’m gonna be drowning in all these naptons if I don’t move soon. But I can’t. ‘Cause these lil’ fuckers all got my legs as pillows.” You gesture at red and orange and sigh your defeat. “I guess I’m doomed.”
"There’s no fighting it," you agree resignedly. "They’ve defeated us. We have no choice but to nap. Move, Orangey, that boob is mine."
With a bit of gentle shoving and one-handed scooping of purring furrballs, you manage to turn on your side, hook an arm over Lu, and nuzzle your face in behind her ear. Surrounded by a dreamy haze of red pheromones and the purring of a whole spectrum of happy projective empaths with the collective intelligence of a cupcake, you drift off to sleep.
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I gotta say, it’s pretty cool that they sculpted zombie rot into his face. I mean, for real, I can’t recall any point in modern history where toy companies were making dolls with sculpted face gore explicitly marketed at little girls. That would have been the most badass toy to squeamish little six year old me.
Oh my god I just realized he’s a hunky zombie horse dude, like, he’s literally the man of Tina Belcher’s dreams.
I want that horse guy doll so bad
Is it just me or does it seem like he should have been a kelpie or a knucklavee but that was too obscure so they called him a zombie unicorn instead?
Six days, I’ve eaten one meal in the last three and less before. A rice krispie treat. A bite of pudding. A bowl of noodles on Friday. I had two potato skins with no potato in them yesterday (thank you, little brother). And water. My body had stopped being hungry altogether.
Understand that I am a big girl. I weight more than most men and I am usually happy with that. I eat multiple times a day. Since the flu kicked in Thursday, I haven’t been able to eat without getting nauseous. Since my kidneys flared up and started spitting out stones, I haven’t been able to eat at all. Now the want to eat is gone. I had some of my very best friends go, do you want to get fast food? Do you want to go to a restaurant? Every place I like to eat. Every junk food, healthy food, sugar I like, and all I could do was shake my head. The want of it is gone. I am in starvation mode.
I googled for alternatives for when you’ve lost all compulsion and want to eat—results? “How to stop yourself from being hungry” “how to lose weight by eating less” “quick weight loss tricks” and my favorite “binge eating”. I tried ten different searches with different key words. All the results were the same: Congratulations, fat girl. You’ve found the holy grail of losing weight by getting sick. Enjoy it. That’s all we want you to do anyway.
Useless. And demoralizing. But not helpful.
My mother, who struggles with having no appetite all the time, was more help. She said you don’t actually have to eat, you can go for days without food. The important part is nutrients. Real fruit juice, as much water as I can drink, as I’ve been doing. Protein shakes like (knock-off) Ensure to add calories. Not like I’ll die from losing weight, I can stand to drop some. But the longer I go without eating, the weaker I get. The weaker I get, the more sick I feel and the less I want to move. And the smaller the compulsion to even try to feed myself becomes.
Anyone have any advice? I don’t consider ‘force yourself to eat’ an option. I’ve been told a few times, I’ve tried, I get one piece of food in my mouth, spit it out and I end up back in bed or my chair, googling again. Something to try that will give me energy? Something to convince me?
Yea… when your body is sick and hasnt eaten, it doesnt want to eat. Its like some weird, twisted Starvation Mode. It acts like its not going to get what it needs so it .. shuts down. . Which doesnt help at all.
I like to think that working at the hospital for years kinda gave me a few tips on what to do. I’m not a nurse, I know.. but I still learn!
Momma’s right — As long as you keep your fluids up and nutrients in you can go for days without eating any solid food. But, its about getting those nutrients and trying to start up your body to want to eat is the key.
When mom needed extra protein and didnt eat much she would get the Carnation Breakfast Essentials [it comes in a powder], and mix it with milk and either Vanilla or Chocolate Ice cream for extra calories. It become like an Actual Milkshake for her. and when she wanted to try and “Eat” something she whould just stick it back in the freezer for a while and eat it with a spoon .
I would also try some of those “100% real fruit” juices like Naked and Odwalla. I dont drink them but I’ve heard co-workers and patients at the hospital swear up and down by them.
Hot Water with lemon and honey.
Green Tea is a plus for yew right now. It helps boost your immune system and beat out infection.
Also, get your Honey Vanilla Chamomile Tea. Another calorie-filled drink when you add milk and sugar.
Get Stock. Veggie Stock Chicken Stock, Beef Stock, Pork Stock. Make different soups with them so you’re not bored. Maybe the different flavors will spark up your appetite for something else.
And, of course, keep drinking your water.
Vitamins to look into: B, C, D, and Zinc. You can probably buy store-brand bottles of them for cheap at pharmacies.
If its sunny go sit outside for a little while. Sunshine gives bodies a good boost of Vitamin D, which is good for Kidneys. Take big breaths of fresh air. It helps drive your body want to flush the bad stuff out.
When you force yourself to move a little you give your body a jump start. I’m not saying to go and run a marathon. But, lift your legs up and down a little. Do some light weight lifting. Build your strength up. Doing this helps your body remind itself of its needs and helps your tummy and intestines start to move .
And, if you feel a little more energy, go for a walk . Maybe just in the back or front yard for a start. Walking helps blood circulate all over your body, including your tummy.
I hope this helps! If I learn anything else I’ll share it with you. Keep fighting the good fight, Xan-Pan!
Oh my god, this is my jam, don’t I know it. Especially about trying to find solutions online and only finding diet tips.
The Complan/milk/icecream shakes thing is a truly excellent tip, I can get right behind that one. I rarely have icecream in the house but I buy two-litre bottles of cheap chocolate milkshake and use that instead because making up protein shakes with just milk is nasty.
Also there’s those Innocent smoothies so you don’t have to go through the bother of prepping a smoothie and then cleaning the blender afterwards, I love those.
If there is ever anything that you feel like you want to eat, don’t guilt about it for a second, in fact, stock up on that thing. Keep the cupboards full of crisps and cake and biscuits and cereal bars and other things that you can snack on with no preperation, because you have to get food into you. Worry about whether it’s healthy food later, when you’re used to eating again.
Also if the thought of doing dishes afterward ever stops you from making dinner - it has done for me - then get paper plates. Seriously, this is your health at risk, it will be worth it. It does not mean you’re a slob.
Also, and this is a stretch, but you could try iron tablets. My mother suggested them to me to help with my depression and appetite issues and I resisted a long time mainly out of stubbornness but eventually tried it and the difference they made was STUNNING. But this is just something that worked for me.
this is 911 state your emergency
YES I NEED HELP IMMEDIATELY I CAN’T FIND MY LIZARD
911 I THINK MY LIZARD IS BROKEN
YOU THINK YOU’VE GOT PROBLEMS? MY PHONE SEEMS TO HAVE LOST IT’S LEGS
911 I CAN’T GET MY PHONE OFF THE RECEIVER
MA’AM YOUR PHONE NEEDS TO BE IN THE UNLOCKED POSITION AND MAY NEED TO BE PROVIDED WITH ADDITIONAL HARDWARE TO FUNCTION CORRECTLY.
YES HELLO 911 CAN YOU HEAR ME I DROPPED MY HEADSET IN THE WATER DO YOU READ
TO BE HONEST 911, I AM NOT SURE WHAT MY PHONE IS DOING
911 MY PHONE IS FACING THE WRONG WAY AND I CAN’T GET IT TO TURN AROUND.
yes 911 hello all these people are crazy
this is still going around and it makes me rly happy.